Oh the holidays. The divorce anniversary. The anniversary of my dad’s death. All these things happen around the same time of year — autumn. These things sometimes can hit me like a semi truck.
While my antidepressant keeps my seasonal affect disorder at bay (YAY!), I still have some big triggers coming up very soon. Some years they pass by with little emotion. Other years, I am a weepy mess.
Before I dig into these triggers, I do want to share some positive updates. First, I have been in my new (well, old, 95-years old to be exact) home for a year now. This was a very important step in redefining my life, post-divorce. Everyone is content here. I naturally miss my old neighbors, but this move was so important. Right-sizing to a home with no bad memories has been incredibly healing. More healing that I could have imagined. Moving to a smaller — but the absolute right size for my family — home also afforded me the amazing opportunity to pay for grad school WITHOUT LOANS, thanks to the proceeds of the sale of our old home. I will be forever grateful. Not having the burden of school loans is something I will NEVER take for granted. Honestly I take NOTHING for granted anymore.
Speaking of grad school…another bit of good news is that I LOVED my first grad school course! The final live class is this Thursday. I loved the course content and working with my group on our group project. I loved my professor, who I have for my next course! And best of all — I have a good grade heading into my final week of class!
So…all is well with regard to part of my new beginnings. Home life – good. Grad school – good.
On to relationships…man, I wish I had something good to report! I have put myself out there over and over again, but I’m still not dating. I even joined not one, but two dating apps. They are, as expected, a dumpster fire so far. There are two extremes — men who seem to only care about their appearance and those who seem to have completely given up. On top of that, there are way too many people who identify as conservative. No thank you. And then there are those who pretend to be someone else — cat fishers. And yes I already got cat fished. I knew from the start he was too good to be true and I proved that within 3 days. When I called him out, he did not even try to defend himself, which honestly is good. BLOCK, loser! I did make one acquaintance who I text with (neither of us is interested in the other, which is fine), but sadly all we have in common is shared crappy experiences on these apps!
That brings me back to my original point. I’m heading into “Lindsay’s hard season.” Halloween is my divorce anniversary. I love Halloween, so that day is not typically a bad day, but this time of year does remind me of when things got finalized / changed forever. Then the following day is the anniversary of my dad’s death. Next, Tommy will be in Virginia with his dad and step mom for Thanksgiving. And of course there is Christmas, which naturally has never been the same since getting divorced. Again, sometimes theses day come and go without any tears.
But for some reason, despite alllllllllllllll the good in my life, I starting thinking of these things ahead of time, maybe not only to attempt to prepare, but also maybe (haha ok not maybe, but definitely) because my mental health likes to remind me how much easier / more joyful all these times would be if I had a nice boyfriend.
So instead of my usual posts, where I attempt of offer my midlife observations and advice, I write to you today, asking for your observations and advice.
What are your best tips to get through these things alone? I’m tired / perhaps a little burned out.
I need / want / greatly appreciate new ideas. Thank you!
Lindsay Warren's Blog 