Our Beloved MSU

While I have been a volunteer in gun violence prevention for nearly 8 years, it is hard to form words about my beloved alma mater, Michigan State University (MSU), being added to the never-ending list of mass shootings in America. February 13, 2023 is a night no Spartan will ever forget. But before I talk about the horrific tragedy, I want to try to put into words what that university and East Lansing, the city it is located in, mean to me.

When I was in high school, I applied to 6 or 7 universities. It did not matter who the other ones were. I knew in my heart right from the start that I would be going to MSU. I had visited several times over the years growing up and it was love at first sight. Every moment at that school, even on my “worst day,” was still a good day. Life at MSU / in East Lansing was magical. It was a sanctuary.

I felt welcomed and accepted from day one. I met the most amazing people there. I gained a mentor there that will be a lifelong friend and colleague. The city and the campus are the friendliest places where everyone smiles and says hello to one another. I had the most amazing job at the campus radio station that never once felt like a “job.” I got my BA and MA there. I spent my formative years there, 7 years total.

I loved it so much that I never came back to my hometown in the summer from my sophomore year on. East Lansing became my new home. I have been in Royal Oak nearly 20 years now. While I love it here, East Lansing will always be a city I consider “home” too.

I met dear friends there that I’m still close with today. I met one of my bridesmaids there. I met my (ex) spouse there. And while our marriage was not life-long, there would be no Tommy if there was no MSU. My son is my favorite human. My son is here because of MSU.

My story is not unique. So many others adore MSU like I do. According to Wikipedia, as of fall 2018, there were about 634,000 living Michigan State University alumni worldwide. That’s a lot of green and white lovers.

The three precious lives lost

Back to Monday night. As long as I live, I will never forget that night. Listening to the police scanner for my beloved campus and city was just…haunting…heartbreaking…surreal. In the end, three lives were taken way too early. Five more are in critical condition at Sparrow Hospital in Lansing, Michigan. I have no idea what their fate will be.

I could not go to sleep until I heard the shooter had been caught. The monster who did this ended up taking his own life. We may never know what provoked him to do something so horrible. I do know this: We make it WAY TOO EASY TO GET A GUN IN AMERICA.

As long as I have been a volunteer with Moms Demand Action for Gun Sense in America, I have known that a mass shooting can happen anywhere. I know that NO zip code is immune. But for some weird reason, I never thought MSU, a sanctuary for hundreds of thousands of people, would be the next. I have experienced so many horrific mass shootings. I will not even try to list them all. Without a doubt, this one has gutted me the most.

Make no mistake, every mass shooting is horrific. NOT ONE of them should have happened. Not one American should have died in a mass shooting. This is a uniquely American problem. Every single peer nation has solved this problem. Mass shootings are now the number one killer of our children in America. America should have fixed this IMMEDIATELY after Columbine over 20 years ago.

This one feels more personal than all the others.

A long-time saying from MSU is “Spartans Will.” I know in my heart that worldwide Spartans will come together to try to heal after this horrific tragedy. I know Spartans will come together to fight our uniquely American epidemic of gun violence. I know Spartans will do amazing things to honor the lives lost. And I know Spartans will do everything in their power so that this does not happen on our beloved campus again and the current population of over 45,000+ students feel safe once again.

There will be vigils and fundraisers and memorials. Do what you can, where you can. One example:

My friend Rachael is selling t-shirts. The proceeds will go to the Michigan chapter of Moms Demand Action for Gun Sense in America. Moms Demand Action is the largest grassroots gun violence prevention organization in America. They are going toe-to-toe with the gun lobby to make our country safer. In the 10 years since their inception, they have made an incredible amount of positive changes to make America safer. Do NOT let anyone tell you that nothing has happened since Sandy Hook. It has. But it is an incredibly slow process to dismantle the hold the gun lobby has on America. You can read about all Moms Demand Action’s big victories here. But their work is far from done. They need our support.

Please consider buying 1, 2 or 20 t-shirts! Thank you. If you cannot buy a shirt, please consider volunteering your time with Moms Demand Action. Text the word READY to the number 64433 to get signed up. You do not have to be a mom. Their name came from their founder. Thank you.

Roll With The Waves

“Life, it could change, it could change in a day
La, da-da-da-da, la, da-da-da-da
So cherish your years and just roll with the waves
La, da-da-da-da, la, da-da-da-da
Time doesn’t hear, so roll with the waves,”

~Imagine Dragons, Waves

As suspected, I have not had much time to write any blog posts since I started my counseling program online this fall. I’ve been busy reading, writing, working on group projects and taking quizzes. I have loved every single second of it! So while I miss blogging, I’m thoroughly enjoying this new direction in my life.

Since we are at the start of Thanksgiving week (and I have the week off school), I wanted to take stock of alllllllll the good that I have experienced in 2022. Let’s take a look back…

I have to say, what a difference a year makes! Man, this has been such a good year.

2022 has been the year of the concerts! I had the pleasure of seeing Imagine Dragons (in Pittsburgh for Tommy’s 10th birthday and in London, ON with Canadian friends), Glass Animals in Nashville, NKOTB, OneRepublic, Mat Kearney, The Script, Snow Patrol, Halsey, Our Lady Peace and local shows too! I am beyond grateful for all of these amazing, incredible, joyful experiences. Time stands still for me at concerts. I said yes to every show this year and I have zero regrets.

Kathy and I at Our Lady Peace

2022 has been the year of “baby pink” hair. No, it is not a midlife crisis. But I’ve always looked good in pink, so I added it to my hair! I love it. It’s fun and playful and not over-the-top. New is fun!

(If you are unsure of the phrase on my shirt…you definitely need to check out Ted Lasso.)

2022 has been the year we FINALLY (after nearly 40 years) elected a Democratic majority in Michigan. Women’s bodily autonomy was codified here as well. Thank goodness for some common sense. Now let’s get some gun laws passed and save some lives!!!

Love me some Big Gretch, “that woman from Michigan.”

2022 has been the year of the most fun hangouts with my Royal Oak girl friends. No matter what it was — a birthday, book club meeting, trivia night, drag queen bingo, the school road rally, a backyard barbecue, breakfast, lunch, dinner, brunch, happy hour, Friendsgiving or a party at my house the night my ex got re-married and my darling child donned a tuxedo for the first time — there have been endless smiles and laughs. My heart is full.

We have the BEST neighbors here. Period.

2022 has been the year of self-care. I’m not just talking about pedicures and massages, though I absolutely made time for those. I finally took care of my eyes. Surgery has been life-changing. I had a wake up call early in the year when I was driving at night and had pretty bad double vision. I’m eternally grateful for the team at the Beaumont Eye Institute. Highly recommend if you have ANY eye issues. Surgery was a success, I did fine with anesthesia and recovery was very low-pain.

Whew, it feels good to have had that surgery!

2022 has been the year of NORMALCY! THANK. GOD. FINALLY. I had such a blast being a part of Tommy’s field trips, his field day and his fun run. Both the Fur Ball and Bowl-4-Animal Rescue were in person this year. The Royal Oak City-Wide Block Party returned as well. Tommy and I got the latest Covid boosters! I participated in 5k races again. I’m so lucky to be able to do these things while continuing to work part-time while I am in grad school.

My mom and I at the Fur Ball

2022 has the year of many new beginnings. I applied for, got accepted and started graduate school to begin a new career in counseling. I think I was born to be a counselor. I think I’m going to be really good at it. I have a TON to learn, but I’m more than ready!

Next, I started a new healthy eating plan with Noom. I love that it is based in psychology so I tried it out and I’m so glad I did! I have found it extremely easy to manage and I’m down just shy of 10 pounds. I think I’ll hit the 10 pound mark tomorrow! It has been the slowest and healthiest weight loss plan I have ever attempted and I think slow and steady will win the race. Maintenance is important for me and I truly think this will be a lifelong, healthy change in eating.

Another wonderful “new” beginning — I continue to make new girl friends. I have never lived anywhere longer than where I now live. I love this city so much and I love it even more with each new person I meet. On that note…

And onne more new beginning…I finally got the courage to “swipe right” on dating apps. I am grateful for my therapist gently guiding me through this process and gently nudging me to consider people I may not have if she had not suggested their positive qualities. I have met a few decent people and been on a couple of dates with someone lovely…and emotionally available! Fingers crossed for a continued connection. (Yes I buried the lede with this news. I’m maintaining a balance of ZERO expectations and hopefulness.) I can say this part with confidence – I will never consider someone emotionally unavailable again. This “quality time” girl will not waste her time on anyone unsure of me.

I LOVE this quote and I try to live it all the time as I evolve into the best possible version of me.

So…What are YOU thankful for so far in 2022? What are you looking forward to in 2023? I know we still have a little over a month to go until the new year, but in case I do not have the time to blog again in 2022, I’m asking now!

What will 2023 hold for me? I have a feeling there are going to be REALLY GOOD THINGS. I feel incredibly thankful for all that happened so far this year and just as hopeful for next year. I’m going to continue to roll with the waves.

Not One More.

I finally lost it on my run today, just as I ran past my child’s school. Up until then, I had been angry and frankly, numb. It just had not hit me yet that TEN years after the Sandy Hook massacre that we had another school massacre. How could we let this happen AGAIN?! So many of you have asked how you can help decrease gun violence in America. Here is what I have to say…

From Buffalo to Uvalde, we are witnessing the violent, dystopian world that the gun lobby has created and our lawmakers have enabled. We hear the same thoughts and prayers over and over again, but it doesn’t save lives and it doesn’t change laws. Ultimately, it all leads to the same thing: lives lost at the hands of preventable gun violence. We deserve to feel safe dropping our kids off at school, going to the grocery store, walking down the street, attending a concert, going about our lives. The Senate must take action.

Thoughts are prayers are not bulletproof. It is time to honor with action.

Gun violence is the leading cause of death for children and teens in the U.S. This is a crisis unique to the United States. Parents across the developed world kiss their kids goodbye as they head off to school and don’t have to give it a second thought, because no other country has been held hostage by a gun industry that is getting rich off the deaths of our children. In the U.S., we have nearly 400 million guns flooding our streets, homes, and schools – and gun violence can strike anywhere any time.

Peer-reviewed research shows that when states weaken their permitting systems, violent crime rates rise by 13-15%, handgun homicide rates increase 11%, and firearm homicides increase by 7% in urban counties.

And Americans ages 18 to 20 commit 18% of all gun homicides, while making up only 4% of the US population.

Let those numbers sink in. We have to fix this. We owe it to our children and to all Americans.

The Senate has failed to do their jobs for decades. What will finally convince them to act? How many more children have to die, how many more mothers, fathers, teachers, churchgoers, lives must be taken for our leaders to do something? Any senator who remains hostage to the gun lobby, who blocks life-saving change, is choosing carnage and gun industry profits over the precious lives of our children.

We are only as safe as the states with the weakest gun laws.

So, as many of you have asked me, what can we do?

1. This fall’s election may very well be the most important one of our lifetimes. We need to flip some seats from people who vote to do NOTHING on gun violence (typically Republicans) to people who actually want to solve this epidemic (typically Democrats). Start donating time and money to them. Right now. Yes, now. Today. You can donate money, make calls for them, knock doors for them and/or do data entry for them. If we get a “gun sense” majority (a majority of elected officials who will vote the way we need them to), we can FINALLY start saving lives. We need to VOTE OUT folks who will not curb gun violence and VOTE IN folks who will! That takes our time volunteering and/or money to help them get the word out. If you need help choosing who to support, please contact me personally. Simply comment on this blog and I will be more than happy to assist!
2. To those of you new to this fight, start donating time and money to a gun violence prevention organization. I’m partial to Moms Demand Action because they are the largest and most powerful. To get involved with Moms, text the word READY to 64433. You will be asked to share your zip code and then you will get invitations to the events closest to you. Moms Demand Action was founded by a mom and is open to ANY American, including responsible gun owners who are sick of gun violence in America. (If Brady or Giffords or Sandy Hook Promise speak to you more, by all means, please go help them. If you are a student, definitely check out Students Demand Action or March For Our Lives.)
3. To those of you NOT new to this fight, PLEASE take mental health breaks as needed. We need you in this for the long run.
4. If you are a student, you can participate in a national walkout tomorrow, May 26th at Noon Eastern / 9am Pacific. Visit www.StudentsDemandAction.org for complete information.
5. Lock up all guns in your home. If you need a free gun lock, go to your city’s police station. If they do not have any, go to your county sheriff’s office. If they do not have any, buy one on Amazon. They are around 10 bucks. For complete information on gun safety, please visit www.BeSMARTforKids.org. Also please check out https://everytownresearch.org/solution/responsible-gun-storage/.
6. Do NOT be swayed by calls for more metal detectors, more police, more armed guards, or more active shooter drills that do little more than terrorize kids and staff. Read up on what the best, data-driven, peer-reviewed solutions are, and don’t let misinformation go unchecked.
7. Do not judge how others grieve. Meet them where they are.
8. Do have the difficult conversations with family and friends who think nothing can be done. We can decrease gun violence and we have made some incremental change. It is truly a very slow process and tragically people are dying in the meantime. Check out https://momsdemandaction.org/about/victories/ for a little hope. You can see all the good bills volunteers have had a hand in passing and all the bad bills they have had a hand in defeating!
9. Lastly, educate yourself on solutions. Here is a short list of solutions that will keep our kids safe:
   ● Background checks: Nobody should be allowed to purchase a gun without a background check. Period.
   ● Red flags: Every community needs to have a Red Flag law that gives them a tool to temporarily remove guns (from two weeks to one year) from someone who has shown clear warning signs that they pose a danger to themselves or others. (This is what Florida needed to prevent the Parkland tragedy. Now Florida has a Red Flag law. Yes, VERY Republican Florida. If they can do it, so can all other states!)
   ● A Leader for ATF: The agency that enforces our gun laws and proactively shuts off the pipeline of illegal guns has been kneecapped for 20 years and the Senate needs to give it the resources it needs and confirm Steve Dettelbach as Director so it can do its job.
   ● Regulate Assault Weapons: We need to take a long, hard look at how assault weapons are made, marketed and sold to keep these weapons of war off of our streets and out of the hands of violent extremists.
   ● Raise the age to purchase a gun: The law already prevents anyone under 21 from buying a handgun from a gun dealer but teenagers and reckless youth have no business owning an assault weapon and we should raise the age to purchase these weapons across the country.
   ● Repeal PLCAA: The gun industry has had a get out of jail free card for too long. It’s time for the gun industry to face the same kind of accountability as every other manufacturer of consumer products for its role in the gun violence crisis – and lose its special protection.

Have any follow up questions? Reach out. And hug your loved ones tonight.