No one wins the Misery Olympics.
What is the Misery Olympics? It is comparing your struggles to others who are sharing their own struggles. It is often used to undermine the importance of someone’s struggle, or to make someone who feels miserable look like they are exaggerating their pain or are weak for complaining.
I used to “compete” in the Misery Olympics. I have mentioned this in my blog before. I was an exhausted new mom and it was not a proud life chapter. I am still ashamed of that behavior. I even lost a friendship for a number of years because of it. It was so shameful. My behavior was not excusable by any means. My behavior was because I was not caring for my mental health. I can now promise you this:
- I will never, ever compete in the Misery Olympics again. It’s selfish and tone deaf and just…rude as hell.
- I will spend the rest of my life trying to do better and not treat my friends the way I did then.
- I will always take responsibility for my healing, my mental health and being my advocate and my best friend first. If I am in charge of my mental health and happiness, I can be happy for others as well. I can honor THEIR pain by NOT belittling it and by validating it.
All of us have been through a lot lately. We lived through a very long global pandemic. We were extremely isolated. We missed out on a lot of life. Loved ones died. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. I have friends with chronic physical pain….friends who have lost their jobs….friends who have lost babies and children…friends who have gotten divorced or want to get divorced…friends with fertility issues…friends who have been raped…friends who want to but to, but cannot find love again. This is a small sample of examples.
One smart friend recently said to me, “How we get on with our lives is a choice.” This is such a powerful statement. We get one, precious life. Are you going to spend the rest of your life pissed off / sad / resentful because of your trauma? Or are you going to try to make the best of the hands you were dealt? No one has to “get over” trauma such as a loved one who died by suicide or homicide. All of our trauma is valid. Trauma is not a choice. Healing is our responsibility.
Another smart friend recently said, “I know everyone handles life differently, but I want happiness and joy every single day. It’s a short journey and this is spoken by someone in the last chapter.” I also want happiness and joy every single day.
Healing looks different for everyone. For some it might be therapy and meds. For others it might be yoga and journaling. There is no one “best” way to do it. Whatever healing looks like for an individual is not relevant. What matters is that they are working toward feeling better. And while grief is not linear, we should not give up the fight to find our “new normal.”
Do I have bad days? You know I do. But the difference between the earlier version of me and the version of me that I have evolved into by taking care of my mental health is vastly different. Now I do not DWELL on my pain for long. I feel it, I honor it and then I MOVE ON. I get up every day and do my best to make it a good day, a good life.
I think you should too.
Lindsay Warren's Blog 