Phoenix Rising

Four years as a twosome…scratch that…four years as a dynamic duo! ♥️

Four years ago was the worst day of my life. If you are new to my blog, you can read about that day here.

I can easily say my hardest day is behind me. Before you tell me I’m naive and that life will always throw curve balls, hear me out. Yes, there will be hard days during Act Two. There already have been plenty of tough days: deaths — of family members, of dreams for possible romantic relationships, and on and on. But the difference now is, I’m a million times stronger now than I was four years ago today.

In the four years since life threw me my biggest and most unexpected curve ball, I have truly gotten my shit together. Therapy and an antidepressant have been at the center of my healing. Leaning on friends, family and my pets has also been integral. Soul searching – soooooooooo much damn soul searching – has taken place as well. A ridiculous amount of self-help books have been read. I can’t forget the podcasts. Meditation and exercise too. All the effort. Rest and self-care too. The “new” / old, charming house was a game changer too. I’m finally OK in my own skin. And lest I forget the group texts. Thank God for group texts. I’m a lucky girl to have so many women in my life who love me. 😍

And I am thrilled to report that finally figuring out a new career and starting graduate school to pursue that career has been so significant in re-writing my life. After benefiting from talk therapy for a few years, it finally hit me. I could BECOME a therapist! I love to help others and what an incredible way to give back. What an incredible way to put love out into the world.

I was scared out of my mind to apply to grad school at age 45. I mean, I already have a Master’s degree. And I said I’d “never” go back to school. Haha, I guess never say never! (Except about a minivan. I’m NEVER getting one of those. NEVER.)

I started my first course in September. My courses are offered one at a time, which is great for us adults with jobs, kids, volunteer work and more. They are only 8 weeks long and that makes them quite intense! There is usually 1 to 2 chapters to read per week, along with a quiz, group project or writing assignment. I’m happy to say that I got As in both of my courses I took this fall!

I’m also happy to say that graduate school has given my life a new purpose. I have a full, busy life being a single mom, but a career that I was passionate about was a big, missing piece. I have always done best in life when I’m working on things that excite me. And without a partner, I have to admit, a lot of this chapter of my life has been BORING. Before my girlfriends get mad at me, let me clarify…You are anything but boring! But you don’t alway have time for Ms. Single Mom. Or you have, but maybe you did not always want to invite the single girl out. I get it. Trust me I do. I was partnered for 24. years. Having this new responsibility has not only given me more to do and more PURPOSE, but has also helped my self-esteem. The best way to improve one’s self-esteem is to learn something new! And my goodness, I’m learning SO MUCH! It also helps that I LOVE the subject matter!

Speaking of self-esteem, something else that I am proud of is how I have put myself out there, been vulnerable and opened myself up to dating. I have yet to have success, but my original goal was 1. go on dates (done) and 2. have zero expectations (also done). So I’ll just keep at it, and hopefully someday I’ll meet my new best friend, the person I can call or text first when something good or bad happens, the person I can go on date night with and the person who can be my +1 at fun events! Fingers and toes are crossed.

One other part of increasing my self-esteem and becoming a rising Phoenix is the care I have done on myself — both inside and out. I continue to find success with Noom. 12 pounds down, a few more to go! I have no problem reading psychology-based articles, logging my food and logging my weight daily. It’s keeping me accountable — to myself! Man, that is such a great feeling. Oh, and I ran a 10k – on a whim – this year too! Thank you to girlfriends for pushing me to believe in myself more!

So, one year ago today I called myself a “Phoenix in Training.” I was not ready to say anything more yet.

Today, I am OK with calling myself a “Phoenix Rising.” Do I still have bad days from time to time? Of course. But they are fewer and my gosh do I bounce back faster from each one. I’m not 100% where I want to be yet, but I’m heck of a lot closer than I was 365 days ago. I’m pretty proud. ♥️

What was your most proud moment in 2022?

I’m Thankful For…

So, 2019 clearly has not been my best year.

BUT, one of the things that has made this year better is practicing gratitude. There are countless things I feel thankful for this year. After a significant loss, I really do not take anything for granted.

In no particular order, here are 30 things I’m thankful for this year:

1. Tommy — My greatest blessing.

2. My mom — My rock. Best mom ever.

3. My 3 pets — My constant company. The sweetest of sweet peas. The unconditional love.

4. My “Troy girls” — Childhood friends that I literally would not have survived this year without.

5. My “Mom Club” friends — 180ish women in the best secret group on Facebook who are there for each other in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, for the past 5 years.

6. My longtime friends who are still here for me — These are the friends that I might not see for months on end and pick up right where we left off when we get together again.

7. A reunited friendship with my “sister from another mister” Kathy. Girl, I’m so f*cking thankful you returned my email earlier this year. I will always be grateful. Thank you for a second chance.

8. My “Swimmy” ladies — 4 friends I met a decade ago thanks to the wonderful Keane. We’ve been through a lot together.

9. My Supernatural friends — These are friends I’ve known for nearly 15 years. Friends who I still text with often. Friends I still visit with in person when the stars align.

10. My Moms Demand Action friends — You all inspire me to work harder, keep going and never give up.

11. My Democrat friends — You guys remind me of the sanity in Royal Oak, in Michigan and in America.

12. My neighbors & all my Royal Oak buds — Thank God for my RO community.

13. My extended family — You know who you are. We text. We email. We share inspiring Instagram quotes. We get together when we can.

14. My health — I’m so thankful I can work out with a trainer, go to spin class, walk the dog, run 5k’s…and generally keep up with an active 7-year old as a single mama!

15. My home — I love this house. It is not perfect, but it belongs to me and Tommy and Lady and Daisy and Chloe. I love my yard. I love my street. Did I mention that I love my neighbors? I love my city!

16. My car — I love my V Dub.

17. My job — I am so incredibly thankful that I get to do meaningful work that helps animals in need.

18. My volunteer work — Gun violence prevention has become such a passion of mine. Tommy was just an infant when Sandy Hook happened. I’ll fight for common sense legislation and culture change as long as I possibly can.

19. Therapy and an antidepressant — Ooh boy. GAME CHANGERS. Everyone deserves therapy. And if that is not enough, then medicine provides better living through chemistry.

20. A new Keane album — SO worth the wait. A new album from my favorite band centered not only on divorce, but also hope? Yes please.

21. Weight loss and weight loss maintenance. Hell yes. So needed. So appreciated.

22. Times when I can live in the moment and feel joy  — live concerts, live sporting events, Tommy’s school concerts, his hockey games, his soccer games.

23. Feeling liberated enough to do things on my own — meals out, movies by myself, 5k races by myself. Independence is good.

24. Meditation — namaste.

25. My strength and resilience — I can do hard things.

26. Tommy’s therapist — a wonderful ally.

27. New traditions

28. Closure

29. Healing

30. Hope